attack of the tiny purple elephant

power of prayer fails new pope

2005-04-25T20:46:00.000-07:00

I'm not quite sure what to make of this. Pope Benedict {insert Roman Numeral here} says he prayed not to be elected as pope. There's something oddly poetic about that.

via Portal of Evil

bartending school, and a mysterious supply of triple sec

2005-04-18T18:47:00.000-07:00

I am now taking a 2-week course in bartending. At the moment, I am learning the ingredients of various girly drinks, and pouring colored water from bottles that formerly contained real alcohol. I have no idea what my drinks will taste like when made with real alcohol, although I assume that the current versions taste like water and latex paint.

At the moment, there is only one other woman in the class, an applied math major.

When I got home from class, my roommate asked if I could make anything for him. I said yes, but that was before I discovered that our current supply of alcohol includes:

1 bottle ouzo
1 plastic bottle of cheap-ass scotch
1 bottle whiskey
1 bottle margherita mix
6 bottles of triple sec

If there's a drink to be made from those, I definitely don't want to taste it.

Some Chicago Tribune columns

2005-04-14T20:58:00.000-07:00

Steve Chapman has a somewhat different take on the Pharmacists for Life controversy than mine. I tend to agree with him, but feel that pharmacies that don't intend to dispense birth control, or other medications, should be required to advertise that fact prominently on their storefront. My irritation with Wal-mart's policy became significantly more pronounced after I couldn't find it anywhere on their pharmacy website. I think that "pharmacy" implies "will fill your prescription" in a way "bookstore" does not imply "will sell the book you're looking for" or "grocery" does not imply "will sell the food you are looking for".

Eric Zorn writes about a new bill in Illinois that would restrict the use of ultrasounds to diagnosis, preventing, among other things, "crisis pregnancy centers" from taking ultrasounds in order to convince pregnant women not to have abortions. I'm not quite sure how this works, during the first trimester--"See that grainy blob over there? That's your sweet, innocent baby. Isn't he/she precious?"

Dawn Turner Trice writes about a pimp accountability bill being discussed in the Illinois house. "The bill would allow prostitutes to sue their pimps [or johns] for economic loss, long-term pain and suffering and other damages," but doesn't offer counseling, drug treatment, or job training, which would seem to be higher priorities.

By request

2005-04-14T20:35:00.000-07:00

During a meeting of the Caltech GLBTQ group, I was asked--"Would your mother prefer that you date a gentile man, or a jewish woman?" Conversations with my mother along these lines are always awkward. We have now discussed my bisexuality on 3 occasions:

1) I tell her I'm bisexual. She cries.

2) 3 months later, she asks me, "You know that thing you told me about being bisexual? Are you okay with that?" I say, "Yeah, I guess". We sit there in uncomfortable silence, before changing the subject.

3) 4 years later, I ask her whether she'd prefer that I date a gentile boy, or a jewish girl. She thinks for a moment, then says she'd prefer the gentile boy, because it would be easier for me to have children that way, and because it's more socially acceptable. She tells me that she has watched the L-word and Queer as Folk a few times, and asks why 2 women would use a strap-on instead of going out to find a man.

I think that, after that last question, it'll be at least another 4 years before we talk about this again. But for those who are interested, it appears that my mother's utility function is:

U(daughter dates jewish man) > U(daughter dates gentile man) > U(daughter dates jewish woman) = U(daughter dates gentile woman)

I haven't figured out my own utility function yet, but I'm pretty sure it doesn't mesh well with hers.

Tivo is evil

2005-04-14T19:44:00.000-07:00

I'd been in Chicago for a week, where I have no access to Tivo. During that time, I watched no TV. After getting back to lovely, friends'-apartments-with-Tivo filled LA, I watched 3 hours worth in 1 day. Ick.

I'm very sick of hearing that

2005-04-12T23:21:00.000-07:00

1) "Pharmacists for Life shouldn't refuse to fill birth control prescriptions because the Pill is used for purposes other than birth control, such as treatment of excessively painful or bloody periods." It's perfectly true, and they're shitty pharmacists if they don't realize that. However, when we use that argument, we buy into a way of thinking that says that sex without procreation is sinful. We buy into a way of thinking that says that permitting birth control is an undesirable but necessary side effect of permitting other, more desireable medical treatments.

A pharmacists job is to fill prescriptions in a safe, timely and confidential manner. If they are unable or unwilling to perform this function, they should find another line of work. End of story. We shouldn't be apologizing for our use of birth control, begging to ride the coattails of the more morally acceptable women who just want the pill for acne control.

2) "Gay marriage doesn't destroy the sanctity of marriage, divorce does. Why aren't conservatives trying to ban divorce?" I hate this argument, with the fiery passion of a thousand suns. I hate it as a pro-gay-marriage argument, because it seems to say that same-sex couples are only worthy of marriage because its already been debased by divorce. Lately, I'm also hating it as an anti-divorce argument. Yes, some divorces are frivolous, and some people repeatedly divorce for selfish purposes. However, some divorces put an end to abusive relationships, or other marriages that never should have happened in the first place. As the child of a divorced couple, it's hard for me to say this, but divorce can be a good thing.

Hearing either of these arguments sounds like nails on chalkboards to me.

Hooray!

2005-04-10T23:52:00.000-07:00

The lovely and talented Yami, who convinced me to write this blog, has linked to me. Without her, I would be languishing in obscurity forever.

I'm still feeling my way through this whole blog-writing thing. Hopefully, I'll have the hang of it soon.

some wonderful defunct blogs

2005-04-10T23:43:00.000-07:00

Deadjournal is dead, but Wurzel Tod still has interesting things on her main website, mostly art-related.

Scattershot has amazing photographs, and other loveliness.

Unexpected importance of robotics

2005-04-10T23:23:00.000-07:00

The headline to this story initially struck me as really amusing. I mean, it has wonderfulness out the wazoo--how can you not love robots on camels?

Unfortunately, it also has horrific child abuse, including a history of kidnapping, enslavement, and deliberate starvation of very young children. This is not a frivolous use of new technology, by any means.

Via Portal of evil

Exciting new trends in law enforcement

2005-04-09T18:30:00.000-07:00

Sniff your money before paying bail

9-11 is a perfect excuse for mind-numbing ignorance about US currency

Walmart fails to perform the minimum functions of a real pharmacy

2005-04-03T13:59:00.000-07:00

Dear Valued Customer,

Thank you for contacting us at Walmart.com regarding
women's prescriptions for birth control. Your comments and concerns are
very important to us as we strive to meet your needs.

Wal-Mart does not carry emergency contraceptives. Our pharmacists
may decline to fill a prescription based on personal convictions.
However, they must find another pharmacist, either
at Wal-Mart or another pharmacy, who can assist you by filling your
prescription. Again, we thank you for your comments regarding this
issue.
Sincerely, Customer Service at Walmart.com

I already knew of (approximately) several thousand* reasons not to shop at, much less go on the hottest date ever at Walmart. So, just to add one more, let's translate this e-mail they sent me from Customer-Servicese to English.

Dear Fornicating Harlot,

Shut up about the birth control
already. Your comments and concerns are so very important to us, that we
responded to your questions about our policies with an uninformative form
letter.

Walmart believes that the “Emergency” in emergency
contraceptives is ridiculous hyperbole. How could the possible pregnancies
of adulterers, fornicators, monogamous heterosexual married couples, and rape
victims be anything but a joyous occasion and source of future cheap Walmart
labor? If you want to go against God’s will, you can always go to one of
the many nearby pharmacies that we haven’t yet driven out of
business.

Our pharmacists may decline to fill a prescription based
on personal convictions, as long as there is a pharmacy somewhere on the North
American continent that will fill it instead.** Why are you so upset?
We’re considering a policy that requires our pharmacists to force
birth-control seekers to read the entire Left Behind series before being stoned
to death, so our current one seems relatively benign to us.

Shut up, shut up, shut up.

Sincerely, Customer
Service at Godcorp.

** P. S. Watch us change that policy as
soon as some filthy hippy has a personal conviction against animal
testing.

*Walmart no longer sells the Protocols, but I'm dissatisfied with their response.

Update

I didn't know what anger really was until I found these pages on the Walmart website.

Wonderful things

2005-04-01T00:48:00.000-08:00

Cat and Girl

Wikipedia

A very important entry from Wikipedia
A related article

2005-04-01T00:32:00.000-08:00

Don't you feel special?

I like the headline there, too.

I am the traditional enemy of truth

2005-03-31T21:50:00.000-08:00

I recently read three books in connection with David Irving's libel trial against Deborah Lipstadt.

After Lipstadt wrote Denying the Holocaust: The Growing Assault on Truth and Memory, and was about to come out with a British edition of the book, David Irving took her to court for libel, attempting to prevent her from publishing the book in the UK, and take the book out of print in the US. She eventually won, after proving that her statements in the book were true.

Richard Evans was an expert witness, and wrote about his research, and his experiences in the courtroom, in Lying About Hitler: History, Holocaust, and the David Irving Trial.

Deborah Lipstadt wrote about her experiences during the trial in
History on Trial: My Day in Court with David Irving.

Of the three books, my favorite was the Richard Evans book, which goes into extensive detail about the nature of Irving's lies and distortions. History on Trial was less engaging, although it helped me get some perspective about the personal, professional and financial costs of the trial to Lipstadt. It also mentioned how the trial, despite the positive verdict, had a stultifying effect on free speech. At least one book (by another author) had its publication delayed, and was edited to tone down criticism of Irving.

Normally, I don't become too concerned about anti-semitism. I almost always wear a visible Magen David, and nobody's ever had an overt negative response to it. And in general, that's all I require from the world. However, whenever I go online, its very easy to become very very afraid. Note that the comments divide into 3 types: 3-star reviews from a postmodern perspective, 4- and 5-star reviews, and 1-star reviews, uniformly based on the assumption that since Irving is the King of Truth, Richard J. Evans (a gentile) and every jew ever born is a "traditional enemy of free speech and truth". If there are any reviews in there that criticize the book from a non-nutcase perspective, I'm not aware of them. This means that the neo-Nazi f-ers of the world have managed to make a book that should have a 4-5 star rating have a 3-star rating.

Essentially, the internet exists to remind me why I should be afraid of everything.

That f-ing carl's junior ad

2005-03-30T19:52:00.000-08:00

(For non-west-coast folks, Carl's jr. is a fast food chain.)

Carl's jr. is currently running an ad for some hot-pepper-encrusted burger, featuring a talking CGI fetus. The fetus, speaking in an incredibly abrasive adult male voice, yells at his mother for eating hot peppers. At some point, it begins threatening her with violence if she doesn't stop eating the peppers (he grabs what I assume is part of her uterus, and says he might "take something out with him").

I have a few immediate reactions to this ad.

1) I will never eat at Carl's jr. again. If fetuses (feti?) become violent under the influence of their food, who knows what it'll do to my unfertilized eggs, intestinal flora, etc.

2) I hate the Carl's jr advertising department, and everything they stand for.

3) Is it too soon for me to get a hysterectomy? Am I too non-Catholic to become a nun and abjure the company of men? I really don't want a hideous CGI creature with an overdeveloped sense of entitlement growing inside me, and I will take any steps necessary to prevent this.

It occurs to me, though, that this could be a very useful advertisement for two of my least favorite things, PETA and abstinence-only sex ed.

If PETA could somehow convince other fast food companies to use this type of ad, we could drastically cut down the nation's consumption of meat. They could also pay to continue running this ad as some sort of PSA ("Beef will make your fetus violent! Tofu will make your fetus smart, well-adjusted, and ensure its eventual acceptance in an Ivy League school!").

Meanwhile, this ad makes me wary of premarital (and, for that matter, postmarital) straight intercourse, in ways that pictures of genital warts and failure rates for birth control do not. Under normal circumstances, a .5% chance of pregnancy doesn't bother me much. After watching that commercial, I'm really worried about the dangers of being in the same room with a fully-clothed man. Sperm might somehow escape his penis, shove its way through a few layers of cloth, and fly through the air into my uterus, and that's really more risk than I can handle.